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WTF?

A Guy Named Frank

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Too dumb to be a criminal

A German bank robber has been advised by a judge to go straight because he lacks the talent for crime.

Marko N, 28, from Dusseldorf, was already waiting outside the bank he was planning to rob before it opened in the morning.

Dressed in shorts, a sleeveless shirt and a woollen hat, he soon attracted attention as he spent three hours plucking up the courage to go inside.

When he finally went into the bank, he pulled his hat down over his face but he couldn't see because he had cut the eyeholes in the wrong place.

Ripping off the cap in frustration, he walked straight past a security camera, providing what Judge Wolfram Schnorr mockingly praised as "first-class pictures".

The would-be robber then threatened a cashier with a pistol-shaped lighter, but she told him to get lost.

He took her advice but was immediately arrested by police officers waiting for him outside.

At his trial at Dusseldorf district court, Judge Schnorr advised Marko N against trying again. "You'd be better off giving up robbing banks. You are clearly untalented for the job," he said.

Marko N received a one year suspended prison sentence, the Express newspaper reports.